Living With Same-Sex Parents

“I have two moms, I have a brother that’s in college, and I have a dad that does not live with me but I see him every once in awhile.”

This is how sophomore Teo Rachael Homann describes his family. His mothers, Seja Rachael and Kalila Homann, are both psychotherapists. His father, Alfonso “Chacho” Carlon, works with the government to help spread STD awareness, and his brother, Gavriel, goes to Rochester Institute of Technology.

Teo’s biological mother Kalila Homann speaks about how the LGBTQ community is becoming more normalized in society.

“I think that today a lot of people know at least one person as a family member or friend that is gay, and there has been a change towards more awareness as people talk and relate more openly about this,” Kalila said.

Although we’ve come a long way, there still remains groups of extremists who stand firmly against equality for gay individuals.

“In the past, even doing this article might have been dangerous- it was considered a fun sport in some places to go out and beat gay people with baseball bats,” Kalila said.

“Why are they so mad at us?” Five-year-old Teo asked his mother Seja Rachael as a man harassed them.

“As I walked Teo to kindergarten a man was yelling at us through a blow horn that gay parents were the devil. It was hard to explain to a five year old. Although there has been much support there has also been much ignorance that our children have had to deal with.”

Teo avoids being influenced by the hurtful opinions of others.

“I just laugh at them...it doesn’t hurt me at all,” Teo said.

The Rachael Homann family values creativity, kindness, compassion and integrity, and have raised their children to respect the differences in others.

“I think both our sons are aware of the complexities of human nature and are able to consider others’ opinions as valid even if they have very different points of view. I don’t know whether that is attributed to being raised by two women or just being brought up in a family that values the diversity of human experience,” Seja said.

“I do think that Teo has a lot of respect for women and girls, and that is an important value. He himself also has strong “masculine” characteristics in that he really enjoys sports. But ideas about gender are changing in today’s society, and that can make more room for everyone to express their own gender in lots of ways,” Kalila said.

“Just learning about [women] by being around them so much [has an impact],” Teo said.

This summer’s Supreme Court ruling which legalized same-sex marriage made an impact on their family.

“In some ways it didn't change that much, since our first wedding was 25 years ago when we got married in 1990 in Massachussetts. We also legally adopted our children years ago which was important for their safety (for example, so that either of us could take our children to the hospital if needed). But it was still meaningful to have that officially recognized, and it will make some things less stressful financially - now we can apply for health insurance as a family,” Kalila said.

“When our two sons were born, second parent adoption was not legal. With our eldest son we handpicked the judge and just hoped for the best. With Teo we returned to the same judge with his older brother as witness and the court reporter had balloons to celebrate us. But it was still not a sure option until the judge signed it. For parents outside of Travis County there was no option,” Seja said.

Along with having two moms, Teo has a father whom he keeps in contact with regularly, a relationship he seems to value as an important part of his family. Seja and Kalila wanted to have children as a married couple, even though they were physically unable of doing so.

“I think they met [my father] at like, a workshop and they liked him and wanted him as a surrogate father to me and my brother,” said Teo.

“Teo’s dad is a good friend and a great guy so it wasn't a hard choice,” Kalila said.

“[My dad] is always there for me. I try to see him as much as I can, but it’s not like I feel like I have to. But he’s always there if I need him. I’ll see him maybe once or twice a month. There’s no conflict or anything in my family. It’s not like they’re divorced or anything.”

Teo and his family may be considered “unusual” by some, but they are really no different from the common “nuclear family” image you might have in your head.

“In our family, we believe that love is the most important ingredient in making a family,” Kalila said. “We also understand the hurt that can be created through prejudice in society, so both Teo and his brother have been raised to be open and curious about differences of all kinds and what they mean to people as individuals.”